Back to work three weeks after having a baby - when you have a crap day!

Yesterday was a shitter of a day. I think it's important to talk about the shite days. Social media so often portrays perfect parents with their clean babies smiling sickengly for the camera when in reality that is only a fraction of what goes on. It started off pretty good - I trained one of my clients (yes I'm easing myself back into work with a three week old) - she'd just come back from an amazing and well needed holiday in Greece and it was so lovely to hear about it. Then it proceeded to to down hill at a startingly rapid rate. I had asked my boyfriend to get our daughter changed, dressed and fed. As I came in the door he raced past saying he was late for some podcast recording. She hadn't been fed, changed or dressed. She was asleep in her nappy. Having to change, feed and burp a grouchy baby when I needed to get to the hospital was not conducive to a calm start to the day. I had to go back to maternity triage as it's been a week on antibiotics for my infected episiotomy and they asked me to come back. Fortunately it was the same obstetrician who I saw last week which is the first continuity in care I've had in a while. She said the infection had cleared up and I didn't have thrush - such a bonus. She'd referred me to the perineal clinic to get my labia sewn back together. Which both the nurse who sewed me up first time and then the obstetrician who removed all the aforementioned stitches and started again failed to do. So currently I have four labia flying in the wind which is marvellous. I also have a lot of internal scar tissue which is pretty uncomfortable and she said I need to massage it every day in order to desensitise it. Childbirth really is shit. I then got to see my midwife after three cancelled appointments. Daughter has put on weight and everything is in working order for her. As part of my care plan I am supposed to be seen by a perinatal mental health nurse once a week, a healthworker and a midwife pretty much weekly. Since I left hospital three weeks ago I have seen by a midwife twice and cancelled on three times. I have not been seen by a perinatal mental health nurse at all, nor received a call checking in just cancellations. I was supposed to have a call at 4.30pm yesterday but no one rang - more on that later. Having finally left the hospital I managed to shove some food in my face and have a hallowed cronut from Rinkoffs bakery - 10/10 would recommend. I went to my gym and did a few rehab exercises but child was being super fussy. She wouldn't feed that long and was crying whenever I put her down. I trained my PT client at the gym and then headed back home on the bus - it was rammed and then I had to get off for a wheelchair user as I had my buggy with me. The next bus didn't stop and then the next one did. While waiting for the bus I called the office for the perinatal mental health team to say no one had been to see me since I'd been discharged and should I be having a mental breakdown this would nahhtttt be good. The receptionist said someone would call me back today. I subsequently got on the bus and cried. When you've had a naggy baby who just won't settle it really is shite. Coupled the fact I keep getting shooting pains in my breasts - mainly when she cries but also if she's due a feed and then just randomly. Should probably get that checked. On the bus I told my boyfriend he needed to get home pronto as I was done with looking after our daughter for the day. The bus then terminated early. Classic Having got home and handed over the child - who then proceeded to sleep on her father's chest for two and a half hours (this was the icing on the cake to be honest). The manager of the perinatal mental health team then called me and kept apologising. This just sent me over the edge and I spent most of the call crying. I kept having to say I wasn't worried about my mental health - which I'm not - but what I'm not ok with is that I was told I had a care plan where I would be seen once a week when I left the hospital and that hasn't happened even once. What would happen if I actually was having a mental health crisis - no one would know. I get the NHS is underfunded and I get there is a lack of staff. But don't promise someone a care plan for none of it to be implemented. I said that had a bigger affect on my mental health than having a baby did. To really polish me off for the day. I was getting child ready for a bath and had taken her nappy off ready to go and she shat all over me and the towel. This was enough to open the floodgates again and I retreated to my bedroom and had another good cry. I decided a bath would be a good answer to my problems and it did help. Put in a hair mask too and got a relatively early night. I reminded myself that tomorrow was a new day. Safe to say I woke up in a much better mood albeit covered in breast milk at 4.30am. I meditated and journaled about the fresh day and again this helped. Am trying to implement a better routine today and have decided she has reflux so have ordered some goat milk formula, am burping her every 5 mins when breastfeeding and every 30ml when bottle-feeding. Also sitting her up after feeding and propping her up when sleeping. She's currently strapped to me in my Boba sling as couldn't handle the buggy today on public transport and I'm in my new Seraphine coat which has a panel that zips up round her. Having an immeasurably better day all ready.

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